To My New Life,
Updated: Apr 23, 2019
We’ve been together for about seven weeks and a day, and for two of those weeks I had no idea you even existed. How do you have a relationship with someone without knowing they even exist? The tenderness of some of the lightest situations I went through during that time and subtle changes life was throwing at me just weren’t enough red flags. As time went on my mood changed, and not in the best way, along with my body. While I lived on with my regular life—going on road trips, modeling, ripping and running to castings—you made your mark and I firmly believe you chose me. I never said I was ready but so far life has taught me that some journeys don’t require much preparation.
The day I found out was another rainy day in LA. As I left a meeting, all I could think about was either of the two: “save your money and cook when you get home,” or “girl you’re starving go grab a burrito right now!” My stomach was touching my back but I could’ve sworn I ate two hours ago so I was confused. I went to get the burrito and, for the record, I ate it in about 45 seconds tops! That’s when my intuition arose and the questioning began... Almost reaching home another crazy food craving happened: “go buy a bag of Hot Cheetos.” I listened. I walked to the convenience store, bought the bag of chips, and very casually asked the store clerk for a pregnancy test. I didn’t really think I was pregnant although my intuition told me so. This was the first time in my life that I was in a fight with my own intuition. I ignored the signs and heavily doubted it until I was proven wrong.
Two Lines!!! Time to laugh and cry at the same damn time because my 24 year old self just found out that I’m going to be a mommy. There was no doubt in keeping the pregnancy while there was a lot of amazement and fasciation going on that outweighed any bad emotion. All I could imagine was how lovely it would be to raise a family with the love of my life. I thought how I want to eventually travel the world and raise the baby in California. One thing that I still can’t get out of my head is how freaking adorable he or she will be!
Expecting “new life” while somewhat feeling like mine just started is a bit overwhelming because I still plan to be my artistic, modeling, acting, painting, dancing, weird self. In this chapter of my life I’ve decided not to give up on my dreams, but to pursue them a thousand times harder. Doors are always opening and closing in certain avenues and I think that’s the beauty of being free and having a vision of how we wanted our lives to be versus how we expect it to be now.
If this is your first quarter with your first “new life,” just know that life isn’t over and yes you still have time to make changes and mistakes. I’m sure I’ll make a hell of a lot of them. Let me throw out there that no, I am no expert but I am using a lot of love and intuition along with support. Life blesses all of us in ways we don’t always understand and sometimes the blessings come unexpectedly. Some of the best blessings will catch us by surprise. Make sure to hold onto them!